Isn’t there a Thomas Pynchon book with the number 48 in it? Okay, I just Googled (the Google finger is fixed!) and it is 49. This is however 6 plus the meaning of life blah blah blah snore. So it is super life. Actually that would be 84. So many numbers!!!
Random note that has nothing to do with music: I had a thought about Cookie Monster seeing something really horrific (In this case it was a pancake masturbating itself. You had to be there.) and him sitting in a corner crying while eating shame cookies. He repeats through his muffled chewed mouth, “I eat cookies to forget”. Just realized that the Muppeteer would also see this horrific act. So, is that like having two sets of eyes that can’t unsee that thing? Is that why Elmo went bad?
Back to music. I have been collecting these nuggets of audio gold for a week or so. Spotify not having a “What’s New” section really fucked me over to find new songs to share with you all. It takes so long now. Wah wah. In honor of Sharknado, of which I will be watching soon, I will make these songs themes for the inevitable sequels. Sorry Interwebs in advance if I steal your ideas. You are all smarter than me (I). And me (I) bow before you asking for forgiveness.
Leftover: Gossip – Careless Whisper
It didn’t fit the theme of Red, White, Blue of last week but this cover is too good to put on a shelf. I hardcore love Gossip and never realized that I did until this gem. I am harsh on covers of Wham/George Michael songs (looking at you Limp Bizkit) and this one is spectacular. So listen to this first.
New: Justin Timberlake – Take Back The Night
The Justin we all were wanting and looking for. The dance-pop awesome JT with the early Michael Jackson feel. The upcoming video (this is just audio with a pic of JT) should produce a good dance sequence (or Vivi will cry). It makes me excited for Pt2 of this album thing so I am still holding on Justin. I hope it isn’t amazing awesome and then he hiatuses again for a babillion years. Then I will cry.
This is the first of two songs I picked up from So You Think You Can Dance. Most people watch it for the dancing while I use it to build my song library. This one I knew before SYTYCD but the show reminded me I needed to share it with you. M.I.A has an awesome flow and I like the beats to her song. This one reminds me of the album that Galang was on which for me makes it even better.
Wolfquake: Wolves are attacking a small town in a quake format. A notable scientist realizes that the wolves can be quelled by a loud piercing noise that no human can hear. This song plays while the “noise not heard around the world” is played.
And this is the 2nd So You Think You Can Dance song. It is very Tori Amos circa From The Choirgirl Hotel/To Venus and Back era which makes me love it even more. It is a good homage (mimic?) to Tori. Some of Charlotte Martin’s other songs sound like Fiona Apple or Emilie Autumn. It is this mix of girl awesome that says that CM goes to the Island! The song is strong and powerful and beautiful. Perfect for dance sequences and for you awesome reader to listen to it.
Cobraquake: These quake movies seem to be super popular. To prevent the Cobras from killing us all, a notable scientist discovers that if we inject this serum into our veins and a snake bites, the snake will explode immediately. So they all put on parkas and get bitten by some snakes. Bring on the Cobraquake bitches.
Fun and has a hippie love vibe. Feel the love! Feel it! I will make you feel my love. Too far, too far.
Hippienami: Finally a water-based splosh of Hippies surge onto the shores of San Francisco. Only this time they try to make you feel the love. And it burns your soul and eyes and skin. They are full of the acid rain that the daughter in Diff’rent Strokes used to wash her hair. A notable scientist realizes that if you come at them with razors and soap they will all run away back to the water.
7. Fallen Riviera – This Is Who I Am
A singalong! I want to singalong loud to this song. With out a care. You know who also doesn’t care? Bears
Bearvalanche: In Canada (of course!) bears are sliding down mountains like it is a fucking slip and slide except they slide right into your hearts and minds (literally). Even though there isn’t many people around when the Bearvalanche strikes , it is still a big deal. Well the Canadians say it is because they think the Americans did it to them by bringing in their City Bears that don’t know how to handle snow. So a notable scientist realizes that if you have pots of honey at the top of the mountain the bears don’t slide down. They just stand there getting stuck into pots of honey.
Bearvalanche is also the term Bruce Vilanch uses when he pounces.
6. Flipsong – Les Sextoys (Video NSFW)
French fun times! I like songs in French. I have a French weakness. Just musically. It is Jaunty and bouncey. So bounce bounce.
Rabbitnado: Women’s rabbits (you know what I mean) gain sentience and march out of their respective boxes (pun INTENDED) and start electrocuting everybody in a furious spiral of buzzdoom. Until that is, a notable scientist realizes that you just need water and they break. Or wait till the batteries run out– about 1 hour of constant use. Movie sponsored by Hitachi Magic Wand.
5. The Pretty Reckless – Make Me Wanna Die
Taylor Momsen’s (Jenny from Gossip Girl) band. I wanted to hate it because Jenny is so frustrating but I really like this song. It has some grr to it and is fun. And some country. Me likey.
Krakencane: They are evil. And make you fell the evil in your heart as they wrap you with their tentacles. However a notable scientist discovers that if you chop off the 3rd Tentacle on the right and say the magic words “flip flop applesauce. I’m the boss, not Angela”, they will explode into a million little pieces.
4. Lucy Rose- Middle of The Bed
Cute simple little song. She has pretty voice and the song is easy to love.
Purricane: Mild mannered kittens are sucked into a vortex and spit out in a firey wet spiral. And no one hates being wet more than pussies. (Not so sure about that one). In a fit of pussy rage, they attack violently with their tiny little paws and teeth until 10 hours later you are dead. Really only Steve died because he wasn’t all there after the “accident”. A notable scientist realizes that if you wave string or throw a shiny ball they will get distracted enough to forget about being wet. They dry up and everything is okay.
3. Never Shout Never – New Sound
For some reason I feel a lot of pull towards the Shameber for this one. They sound a bit Jason Mraz-y and they were a band at the latest Warped Tour. The Warped Tour that I am probably way too damn old for. However, I super love this song and I am owning it. It tickles the Southern California girl in me with the vibe.
Grunionquake : When the grunions are on the beach to have their sexcapades, they are jolted by a major earthquake that not only throws them into the air but also makes them super violent and bitey. Coitus interruptus will piss of anyone especially grunion. The fishies end killing lots of people. That is until a notable scientist realizes that if you dig a huge hole in the sand they will fall in, fuck, go to sleep, and we can just cover them up.
This has a good indie rock feel to it. I learned that this is an actual name and not just some random letters thrown together for me not to pronounce (I can’t pronounce it anyways). Oh and then it goes electronic. Mega rad. Oh you Swedes and electronic music.
Lizard Blizzard: It had been snowing for the last couple of days. Thus it is a quiet day in Ikea and Stacy is sitting there on the famous Gleflem bed waiting for people to come in and ask stupid questions about the quality of the wood. When all of a sudden she hears this horrible thudding on the roof. Like a stupid curious human she walks out side to see thousands upon thousands of lizards being thrown at her. Frozen lizards. They knock her and everyone else out. Fortunately a notable scientist realizes that if you just duck you will be safe. They aren’t mean lizards and probably already dead because of the freezing.
1. Ciara (featuring Nicki Minaj)- Livin’ It Up
My new one-woman dance party jam. Ciara is my new boo for grooving and dancing. This song and her whole album are great for the listen and relisten and relisten.
Pandamonium: Pandas are in full force again in this world. They learned how to fuck and are everywhere. Like everywhere. They can be dangerous but generally if you throw some bamboo at them they are fine. Firemen have to to constant panda rescues when they fall off of something. Suddenly something snaps in one panda and like dominoes they all snap and it is Pandamonium. They all start attacking. They do move slow but they are able to kill one person and that sends the world into a tizzy. Finally a notable scientist discovers that if you throw this powder into their face they will calm the fuck down and go back to being dopey dopes. The pandas forget how to fuck and start to slowly die off again.
